What's the anthem of our generation doing on a Library Books blog post? Helping us to introduce a new sex analogy, that's what!
In honor of Read-a-Romance Month my husband of 33 years and I decided to create a new sex metaphor using books and reading rather than baseball. The following literary alternative rejects the popular (hetero) male-centric analogy represented in the music video. It is presented here in a librarian-friendly alphabetical format, rather than a linear setup because sex doesn't always follow a simple path. We may do some things sometimes and not others. Certain acts may be reserved for special circumstances or partners. And we may take a circuitous route, or start and stop and start again before we know it's right. For all these reasons literary analogies have much more to offer than the tired old four-bag sequence of America's second-favorite pastime.
This list demonstrates anticipation, frustration, excitement, pleasure (and of course climax) among many other emotional states.
Acknowledgements: After the deed is done, thank yous all around.
Author Photo: Profile Picture (which perhaps flatters the subject just a bit) (See also Cover Art).
Book Review: Bragging and exaggerating after the fact.
Bookmark: To be used when the act is interrupted at any stage; we may have a chance to come back to it (or not) once the baby is fed, the phone is answered, or the dog is let out.
Cliff's Notes: Speed dating.
Comfort Read: The one you know will always there waiting to make you feel good (See also Reread).
Cover Art: The dating profile (let's face it, we do judge a book by its cover). (See also Author Photo).
Dedication: To the One I Love.
Epilogue: Was there a call back, a second, third, fourth date? Did they live happily ever after?
First fifty pages: The point at which you can decide to continue or give up (according to the librarian's librarian Nancy Pearl) and remember, if you are over 50 years old you can subtract one page for each year. Also there is really nothing magical about 50 pages. Consent can be revoked at any time.
Footnotes or citations: Giving credit to things you learned elsewhere.
Foreword: Foreplay.
Introduction: First date.
Index: Where was that spot?
Preface: Any of a number of activities that can be undertaken as a prelude to passion.
Prequel: When you got it right the second time around (See also Sequel or series).
Reread: Falling back on an old favorite (See also Comfort Read).
Second (third, fourth, etc.) editions: After a bit of time we gain some perspective.
Sequels or series: The ones you can't get enough of (and how about all those things we read while we wait for the next installment?) (See also Prequel).
Signed copies: A good memory of a magical encounter - you know you will probably never meet again but you've been provided some masturbation fodder for a long time to come.
Teaser: When you think there is more to come, but sadly discover that it is just a preview of the next novel.
The End: Finishing - it doesn't count unless all parties involved get there.
No comments:
Post a Comment